Today I sit in front of my computer confused and lost. I have wondered many a times why things happen the way they happen. Tried to find a rational reason for the same. But I failed most of the times to understand why.
Somewhere deep within myself I hear a voice tell me, “Whatever is happening let it happen. Just take one day at a time. Every new day is a gift blessed upon you.”
I had typed mere 75 words and then my dog, Jimmy started to bark uncontrollably. This is quiet unusual considering he never barks unless there is someone at the door. They say dogs have a genuine 6th sense. Is he trying to warn me against something not so pleasant going to happen? I hoped against the hope that I might be wrong.
I asked my mom to check on my sister who has gone to college. It turned out she was fine. Then I asked her to call dads office. To see if he was doing fine. Alas! This can’t be true, but the happening can’t be changed they say. My father’s office colleague informed my mom that my father had complained about some sort of pain and uneasiness and had already left for home in the afternoon. He has already had two heart attacks in the past.
Now again the unexplained seems to be happening and I don’t have the reasons. How did Jimmy feel the coming and I didn’t? Why something that has to happen got to happen. Again I ask myself and look within. I hear the voice – “Let it happen what has to happen. Keep doing your duty. Justice will be done.”
The next 30 min of my life I was sitting on my toes, as I was not able to ward off all the nightmares I was getting. There was no other way I could get in touch with my dad to find his well being until he comes back home. And it had been more than two hours since he had left for home from office.
I may not share the best of the relations with him as a son. You know the clashes one has with other when you thoughts and ideas don’t match. Of course there is a host of other reasons for why we both don’t get along well. Inspite of all the prevailing reasons to hate him, at this precise moment I’m more worried than ever regarding his well being.
My father finally gets back home after some time. Jimmy is ecstatic to see him walk into the house. Jumping everywhere around in the house. You can almost make out the happiness articulated in his barking. I breathe a sigh of relief seeing my dad. No words exchange apart from customary words of how he is feeling now and then he retreats into his bedroom to take rest.
And I get back to my computer staring at it hard. Look away for a moment at the picture of SAI BABA hanging on the wall. I share this relation with him , he is been a kind of guiding force to me off late. I offer a silent prayer to him looking at his picture. I then find him staring at me from the portrait. As if he wants to say, “I know you are going through toughest phase you have seen so far in life. Troubled times in terms of acute shortage of funds for ongoing studies and distorted peace of mind.” But I also hear him say that, “This is just another phase of life. Face it with faith and strength. Success awaits to embrace you with open arms at the end of the tunnel, at the end of this phase.”